One less John on the Forum

[Dabbler]

I thought that I might give an update about the rigors of a transition. Some people have it easier than others, but it is pretty tough to change over.

Spoiler: Warning: contains medical details

A person can socially transition without any medical interventions, but that is fairly rare. More common is to suppress testosterone and begin estrogen to change facial appearance, grow breasts, soften skin, and change hair growth patterns. Surgery, including breast augmentation, facial feminization and bottom surgery are options for transition.

On estrogen, The beard continues to grow regardless. Armpit hair, arm hair and leg hair slows growth, and sometimes even stops. I no longer have any armpit hair, for instance. Fat redistributes to hips, face, and breasts, along with the Tanner stages of breast growth. The fat redistribution, breasts and softer skin are permanent. There is a real risk of blood clots.

Blocking testosterone: The drug used to stop testosterone in Canada is Spirolactone, which usually works well, but for me it wasn't effective (even at maximum dose), and caused my potassium to spike to dangerous levels. The alternative, Ciproterone is far safer, but extremely powerful, and not covered by any drug plans (expensive). I take 1/4 of a pill every other day and my T is almost zero.

Name changes: I've covered it elsewhere, but I had to be fingerprinted, run thru RCMP for criminal history, and apply for a name change. By the time the dust has settled, I will have spent in excess of $1000 to change all the documents.

Blood clots: this is going to be a lifelong struggle as I continue to transition.

Next steps: This is why the alert. Once I am better I plan to have bottom surgery (called SRS). this will involve going to Montreal for 10 days, and being essentially bedridden for 2 months after. Initial healing takes 3-4 weeks. It takes a full year to fully heal. Significant maintenance is required for the first 2 years, but lifelong commitment to maintaining the surgery is required to maintain the result. It costs about 25K$.

... so transitioning is not for the faint of heart!

For anyone in a committed relationship with a woman, I strongly recommend that you read "the Vagina Bible" by Dr Jen Gunter, a (Canadian) gynecologist. It contains a lot of information that can help you understand your partner and support your partner the best way possible...

All in all, I'm happy. Far happier than I could have imagined. It confirms I'm on the right path.

anyhow, that's it. DM me with any questions.

 

[whydontu]

A good friend from many years ago (best man at my wedding in 1984) transitioned in 2010, at age 57. Full support from their employer, their partner, Montreal did the SRS, went very well. Laura enjoys life much more than she ever did when she was Rick.

Best story of the transition? When R was still R, they spent two years living and working as they intended to spend the rest of their life. R worked in a very macho male-dominated industry. As L, they went to work in heels, nylons, short skirts, full hairdo and makeup. A young very-closeted gay woman worked with L, and after seeing how well L’s friends and co-workers accepted L, the young woman came out to her family. As the young lady tells it, “if L can strut around here like that, I can work up the courage to let my true self shine”.

And R’s partner continues to be L’s partner, love remains regardless of gender.

 

[Dabbler]

@whydontu I love this experience you shared!

It may occur to some that this change is difficult and costly in many ways. I've had to undergo hormone blockers of 3 types, hormone replacement, a changing body, hair removal, abandoning my scant male wardrobe for a much larger female wardrobe (not cheap), medical risks, and more. It is fair to ask "Why"?

This isn't a fad or an obsession. For 69 years I couldn't love myself. I have lived as a female wearing a male skin, and wearing male masks to get along. I finally am happy. I can love myself, and not suppress a lot of my core personality to conform.

...But i am still essentially the same person. I have the same interests. I still love my wife. I still procrastinate. I am just happier, not depressed or lonely, not anxious. I couldn't imagine being happier.

It is often presented as trans people are unhappy people with mental problems. But we are people with a society problem - being bullied as a kid for being feminine (or masculine), being trapped in unnatural behaviours (for us) because of conformity. Hiding and fearing exposure due to people being mean or discriminatory toward us. We live in a stress filled life in the closet.

All the trans people I know are the strongest, most resilient and kindest people I know. Many of you on the forum have been so kind and gracious, and I am very thankful for that!

 

[Downwindtracker2]

Always acting is an awkward way to live. It wears on you. I found I tended to have issues lucking beneath, I was shorter tempered. I'm really at heart easy going and laid back. Maybe just too lazy to get upset, chuckle. Anyway that was my experience from my first marriage. I'm very happily married for 42 years.